Thursday, April 7, 2011

School? Again?

   I was planning on going to college right after high school but finding out I was prego kinda changed that plan. FYI: I was 18 when my daughter was born in 2003. So when my daughter was still pretty little, I started college. I really enjoyed my first 2 semesters. 

  Then of course, I met a guy. Seemed to be going really well with us. I fell for him, HARD. Things went so fast. I ended up helping his mom with her in-home daycare.{BIG MISTAKE} We saw each other every day. Probably too much. I didn't care though because I thought I was <in love>. Anywho, things got pretty rough and we fought here and there, and then constantly. His mom flipped out on me and I had to quit working for her. (She was psycho!!) Come to find out he was playing us against each other. Nice right? She kicked him out so I convinced my parents to let him stay with us. He ended up having surgery so I had to take care of him. He started taking way too much pain medicine and kinda lost it. I swear to this day he was an alcoholic.  He used all of my money and anything else he needed, he depended on me for. He didn't have any place to go so he decided he had to move to OK with family. He convinced me that we were in love and I just HAD to go with him.

 I was stupid, withdrew from all of my classes and quit school. I lost my grants/tuition. We then ended up splitting up for good and he moved to middle TN. Sooooo I quit school for no good reason!I really wish I hadn't. So it's been 5 years since I was in school and ever since then my family have been hounding me to go back. Truth is I do want to go back but I am scared to death to do it! I don't even know what I want to go for. I hate math, not even any good at it. My major was Early Childhood Education. But I am almost 100% positive that I do not ever want to teach little kids. So I am clueless as to what I want a degree in. I'm so intimidated of almost everything. 
  To top it all off, my older sister is a registered nurse. She works for a large hospital emergency room. She has done so well that she was named one of the TOP 100 nurses in the Mid-South last year. How can I live up to that? 

  But a few months ago, I landed a new job. I have down time (sometimes too much) in between busy spells that would be perfect for studying/schoolwork. Trying to decide if I should just suck it up, get the process moving, and do it. I'm so afraid that I will just fail and accomplish nothing. And then there's the question of where am I gonna go? I was not happy with  the school I went to to begin with. I guess U of M is a suitable choice(plus both of my sisters graduated from there). But it's HUGE

  You know those commercials that advertise for online colleges? Well, how do you know if they are accredited and worth going to? I mean, I don't want to take the easy way out but it would be so much more convenient to take classes online.

  And then there's the tuition part. I'm not even sure if I would be able to get my grants for being a single mom back... I might have just screwed myself over on that one. I have no way of paying out of pocket and I really do NOT want student loans. Sisters still have lots to pay on theirs... Not what I want to have to deal with.

  I'm just so lost with the whole thing. Don't know what to do or even how to get anything started. <They> say they will help me but how do I know that I can rely on them to be there for me when I really need them? Just lost...

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