You know in the movie Alice in Wonderland how Alice is lost and feels like nothing is right? Well, that's how I feel right now. I am going through the daily motions, just here. I feel like nothing is as it should be. A couple of things have happened recently to make me feel this way.
1.) I started a new job a couple of months ago. I left a job that I had for over 5 years. It wasn't the best job but I was comfortable with my abilities to do it. It was physically strenuous and hard. I don't know how I managed to stay there for 5 years.
Now I work somewhere, where I have a lot of down time. It is still new to me especially since I have no office experience. I feel like I am trying my best but not every situation can be taught. You sometimes have to go with what you "think" is the best answer, but some people may not think the same. I feel as though I am struggling to catch my breath all the time. I am very thankful for my "new" boss to give me a chance, but sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough. The person I took over for left very high standards for me to fill. It may just be me and the way I think about it, but I am still wondering whether I am doing things the way they had been set before me. I have been here at "new job" for almost 4 months maybe and I still feel almost as if it's my first week. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Probably all in my head.
2.) I left all of my acquaintances(people I had worked with/talked to everyday for 5 years). I tried, really tried to keep in touch with the people that I worked with. The ones I "thought" were friends. Right before I left. One of these said co-workers found out she was pregnant with twins. She ASKED me if I would throw a baby shower for her. I agreed. No problem. I considered her an actual friend. Well then I am told that another "friend" is going to be helping me. No prob. The more the merrier. Then time went on... She wanted a certain date. Ok I was fine with that. She wanted to rent a place to hold it. Ok. So I finally tracked her down and we met up to look at a place. $200 for a day. High , I thought. But whatever. I went with it. Then....Nothing. No word from anyone!! Then I was told that I was doing the game prizes and help with decorations. Then she changed the location and didn't even tell me. She sent out invitations without me knowing. Don't know who was invited. She didn't want to hear any of my suggestions. Didn't ask my opinion on anything, or tell me what she was doing or what was going on. I kept asking her "What do I need to do?" She then told me that everything was handled. I kept asking her about the decorations. She said she was going to take care of it. By this time I was completely frustrated and annoyed. She never bothered to call me or make plans with me to set anything up. I felt as if she had taken over everything, well she did. So the weekend of the shower came up. I decided that I did not feel comfortable going. This pissed the other girl off. I still bought gift bags full of goodies for prizes for the games. I made sure they were there at the shower. Then I get calls asking for money. Saying I flaked out and didn't do anything. WTF!!! I mean what was I supposed to do? Hunt them down and make them do what I wanted?? She was so intent that she had everything handled and wanted to do everything her way. The money was not the problem. I said, sure I'll help you out by reimbursing you but can I please see receipts for what was bought? She flipped out and said she didn't have it. I mean, is it wrong to ask to see what I'm paying for? Common sense, I thought. So then she turned it around on me saying I was trying to get out of paying! I didn't have to do anything!!! I don't feel as though I owed her a single penny! She bumped me out of the planning. She never informed me of any of the details. She never asked me to do anything!! Then the harassing and demanding started! It ended up that not only was this girl blowing up my phone, but her boyfriend and sister as well. I ended up having to block their numbers and cut off all ties with them for good. The threatening and name calling was totally uncalled for and inappropriate. So I feel stupid for even considering these people friends. Friends don't act this way. The whole thing was blown out of proportion and totally ridiculous! By the way, I did send them money, even though they were so ugly to me...